


Life isn't a song

by Thaum



Series: Dark Passion Play [3]
Category: Nightwish
Genre: F/M, Feelings, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Lost Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-09
Updated: 2019-01-09
Packaged: 2019-10-07 08:02:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17362136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thaum/pseuds/Thaum
Summary: Marco witnesses an ugly argument between Tuomas and Tarja. Little does he know, Tarja just told him of her engagement.





	Life isn't a song

**Author's Note:**

> I am sorry, I rewrote a lot of this after publishing it. It's still the same but I am a lot more happy with it now.
> 
> English isn't my first language. Be nice.

Marco jumped as the door flew open and Tuomas walked into the lounge, his mouth a thin line and a fuming Tarja in tow.

".. and I will not look into the mirror one day to find out I am old and have wasted all my life on this here, your songs and childish dreams.. you don't own me! I mean, I want a life for fuckings sake! You didn’t believe I’d stay with you forever, didn’t you?" She laughed but it didn't sound amused.

Though the question was kind of rhetorical, Tuomas had stopped and turned to her now, obviously searching for words. He lifted his hands as if he was going to say something but let them fall back at his sides helplessly after a few seconds, his expression strangely void of everything. The silence that followed told Marco everything he didn’t say. He eyed Tarja as it dawned on her as well and winced quietly. Her expression went from furious to confused and ended up somewhere between awkward and distraught.

"You.. oh my God." She sat down, then got up again instantly. "I mean, I know you’re living in a strange world inside of your head, but.. Marcelo is right, you've got serious issues."

Marco groaned now loudly. What was this? If he had issues, it was her. And she really didn't had to include that in a sentence that contained her current oh-so-down-to-earth douchebag of a boyfriend who unfortunately happened to be also their manager. Tarja glowered annoyed at him, as she noticed him sitting in the corner for the very first time.

"No one cares for your opinion, you stay out of this!"

Marco held up his hands in surrender, he really wasn’t interested getting caught in between in this argument. Tarja was something else at the very moment and he was rather fond of his life as it was. Tuomas at the other hand, didn’t make the impression as if he was going to fight back at all. He looked pale and tired and flinched visibly at the mentioning of their managers name. Marco was quite sure that something had happened, that he wasn’t aware of, yet. But obviously not the kind of thing, he’d been waiting for since years. Yes, they had fought often during the last months, but this seemed to be at another level completely.

“What is it then?” Tuomas voice sounded small and she stared at him, still angry.

“What?”

"What is it you want to _waste_ your life with, if not my songs?"

"Maybe my own songs? A family? Do you know how many concerts we played the last year? How can anyone have a life this way? But do you listen? No! I am sick of being pushed around by you! I am sick of being the supporting role of your life! I am fully able to manage my life and my career without you! My decisions, my life, not yours! The whole real world is there, the things that are important, outside! Maybe you should grow up, come out of your head and take a look at it! That's the real life! You might find out there aren't any fairies in it!"

With a glimpse at Tuomas' face Marco decided, he didn't care for his physical integrity that much if it meant watching his friend being emotionally knocked out without giving any opposition. "Please Tarja, that’s enough."

She had her hands balled into fists and tears in her eyes. " _My life isn't one of your fucking songs Tuomas!_ "

“ _I said it's enough!_ ” Marco shouted irritated. "Tarja, what the heck???"

She took a deep breath and after a few moments she had calmed down a little. She reached out to touch Tuomas' arm but seemed to have second thoughts midway. Instead she deflated somehow and looked just utterly sad. “Tuo please.. I thought you were my friend. Can't you be glad for me? I.. I want us to stay friends.”

Ouch. Marco started to feel he shouldn't be here. But his bandmates were standing between him and the door. He tried to blend in with the furniture and suppress the premonition that shit was about to go down.

Tuomas looked away from Tarja and down at his hands.

“So.. you’re really leaving me?”

Tarja stared at him and her brows creased again.

“You? _You???_ Excuse me, may I have missed something? I am leaving, yes: the band!”

Marco studied the wallpanels. He not actually just shouldn't be here, he really didn't wanted to. He prayed that this wasn't as bad as it sounded. Yes they drove each other up the wall regulary. Yes, she had boyfriends now and then. But he had never looked at another woman and she had come back every time. They needed no words to complement each other, they were a pair. This was as it had always been and would forever be. What in this freaking world was meant to be, if not that? _'Come on, tell her'_ , he thought. _'Don't overthink for once and just tell her.'_

“That's the same.” Tuomas said instead and Marco rolled his eyes. Seriously? This was maybe the last chance to fix things and this was it?

“Oh, Nightwish is all you? I am sorry your highness.  _Really_ Tuo???” Tarja was furious again. Great.

“Yes. No. I meant..” The bassist crumpled as silently on the table in front of him as he could. Dear lord. Tuomas Holopainen, lyrical genius and conversational minimalist, unrivaled owner of the eternal friendzone. How was it even possible to say so many wrong things with so little words? So this was where it ended. If it ever only actually had begun. Life was a bitch.

“I know perfectly well what you meant. It’s you, you, you! Have you ever thought about what this band is without Jukka? Emppu? Me? Guess what, it’s not all about you. It’s never been. But don’t worry, you’ll find out soon. I am doing this last tour and the album as I am _obliged_ to do and then I will do my own stuff and you can kiss my ass. Thank you for nothing!”

She turned on her heel, stomped out of the door and slammed it shut. Tuomas flinched once more at the sound and buried his head in his hands.

Marco cleared his throat, unsure of what to say or do. “Well, that escalated quickly.. what the hell was this all about?” He finally said, feeling incredibly stupid.

Tuomas looked up at him and just shook his head. He looked as if he wanted to sleep for at least a week.

“Hey, I am sorry I was lurking around here, but shouldn’t you go after her? Convince her she is wrong? Or at least throw something at her?”

“It doesn't matter. It’s all useless now anyhow.”

"Why no.. wait until she calms down. She is upset but she isn't able to be angry with you for very long. Somewhen later she will listen to you - if you pull yourself together for heavens sake - and she will change her mind."

"Not this time, Marco. She is going to marry Marcelo and move to Argentina with him and I doubt very much that anything, least of all me, will change her mind."

Oh shit. Marco felt a lump in his throat and forced it down. So it was as bad as it had sounded.

“She told me yesterday after the concert. Showed me her ring and all. She was all over the moon, so blissfully happy and her smile.. God I am such an idiot.”

Oh shit. “Tuomas..”

“I snapped at her when she wanted to reschedule the tour plan. Told her that we’re not going to change anything just because of her ego trip, that she is obliged to..”

“You called her wedding an ego trip? Phew..”

“I was angry! I.. whenever I want to talk to her.. Marco.. I really try but then she is constantly touchy and irritating.. and I feel like I want to hurt her and I say stupid things I don't mean and then she screams at me and freaks out and brings up Marcelo again and then just everything goes awry. Sometimes I could.. _argh_..” Tuomas made a strange strangled noise and slumped down at a chair. "Why Marco? What happened to us? Why is everything so exhausting? Why can't it be like it used to be? I am so terribly tired. It just gets worse and worse."

Marco had a rough idea what happened but not the slightest notion where it had gone so awfully wrong. He had no words of comfort to offer. At this point, what was possibly left to say? He wanted to kick himself for never taking action. Now it was too late for anything. He had always sat back and relied on fate to kick in. But fate obviously was a bitch as well. He swallowed.

"I don't know what to say. I am so sorry.."

“She said she hates me”, Tuomas whispered toneless and looked almost haunted as it slowly sank into him what just had happened. “She will leave us and she hates me.”

Marco knew what that meant for himself. They were losing their singer, their manager, probably the band. It surely wouldn't be easy. But to Tuomas.. he only wished he hadn't looked into his eyes the moment he fully realized what _he_ was going to lose.

* * *

He ran into Tarja ten minutes later as he entered the elevator to get back into his hotel room. He pressed the button of his etage and leant at the wall, his arms crossed, studying her face.

“Congratulations, but that really wasn’t nice.”

She snorted. “ That's none of your business. It's not my fault you happened to be there.”

“Well.. I am part of this band and it will soon become part of my business, won’t it? Come on, was that necessary? You should have known, Tuomas wouldn’t take this well. You could have been a little more sensitive.”

“Me?? He is the egocentric asshole here!”

Marco stared at her. The one naive to a fault and the other an oblivious pighead. Why was it always at him to handle the emotional retarded? He pinched his nose.

“You know that isn't true. It’s never been about him. I know there is something wrong with his mind-to-mouth interface, but tell me, did you read what he's written for you all these years?”

Tarja blinked at him and said nothing. He sighed and pushed himself off the wall as the elevator stopped. This whole thing felt like a bad joke to him. In any case the mini-bar would be his best friend tonight. And he probably wasn't the only one.

“You're right, your personal life really isn't my business. Marry who you want to marry, it's not my place to judge. But the band is my concern and therefore I am going to say something about it. You see, when the band breaks up I will be sad, I know you will be sad, everybody will be sad, but we have other parts in our life and it will go on. Tuomas doesn't. This is his everything - as he so gloriously fucked up to tell you. You asked how anyone could have a life this way. I know what you mean, but he will never understand it because this here, the music, the tours, you, this _is_ his life. So, if you ever cared for him, for the sake of a friendship: try to understand, read some of his 'fucking songs' again - even if it might contain fairies - and think about it once more. Good night, siren.”

When the doors closed again she slid down the wall until she sat at the ground. She had believed she had cried every last tear years ago, but she had been wrong. What had happened to bright days full of adventures and nights full of stars and endless stories? She closed her eyes and tried to remember. Life had been wonderful and simple, full of happiness, countless possibilities, whispered words and secretly shared dreams. Forever alive in every song Tuomas had written, as well as the boy he once had been. She knew every single word by heart. And whatever she had thrown into his face earlier, she would never be able to hate that boy or his music. If Marco thought she was taking the fast way out, he had no idea what he was talking about. What did he know about all the years she had spent wishing for things that never happened, lost in her stupid dreams. Dreams were for songs and real life wasn't a song. 

In real life dreams died and even neverending stories ended.

**Author's Note:**

> We used to swim the same moonlight waters  
> Oceans away from the wakeful day
> 
> My fall will be for you  
> My love will be in you  
> If you be the one to cut me  
> I'll bleed forever
> 
> Scent of the sea before the waking of the world  
> Brings me to thee  
> Into the blue memory
> 
> A siren from the deep came to me  
> Sang my name my longing  
> Still I write my songs about that dream of mine  
> Worth everything I may ever be
> 
> The Child will be born again  
> That siren carried him to me  
> First of them true loves  
> Singing on the shoulders of an angel  
> Without care for love 'n loss
> 
> Bring me home or leave me be  
> My love in the dark heart of the night  
> I have lost the path before me  
> The one behind will lead me
> 
> Take me, cure me, kill me, bring me home  
> Every way, every day  
> Just another loop in the hangman's noose
> 
> Take me, cure me, kill me, bring me home  
> Every way, every day  
> I keep on watching us sleep
> 
> Relive the old sin of Adam and Eve  
> But you and me  
> Forgive the adoring beast
> 
> Redeem me into childhood  
> Show me myself without the shell  
> Like the advent of May  
> I'll be there when you say:  
> Time to never hold our love
> 
> My fall will be for you  
> My love will be in you  
> You were the one to cut me  
> So I'll bleed forever
> 
> \- Ghost Love Score -


End file.
